riotgeek

Okay, here we go...

As most of you know, in the last few months I moved to Kansas City, after spending many years in Los Angeles. This was for a number of reasons, family, cost of living, etc... But the reason that some of you don't know is that I moved out here to find myself again. In Los Angeles, I got into the mode where "work" was what mattered, and at times it over-powered everything else that I had in my life. I know that I made mistakes with my relationships, I know that I'll never be really good at them, but thats all part of it right? No one can be perfect.

Well in this finding myself I have had time to discover what it is that is important to me, the things that I haven't had, or have forgotten about, or ignored. I spent so much time trying to be the 50's style male, you know, go to work, come home, bring home the bacon, pet the dog, smoke the pipe, (an image of the Bob Dobbs type comes to mind). I lost track of the things that should have been important, too many things that should have been on the top of the list fell down, lower and lower as the years went by. I then found myself extremely depressed, and un-happy at everything, my relationships, my job, my home, my family, pretty much everything. I hate to admit that, but its the truth.

So I have moved out here to try and understand more about what it is that makes me happy, believe it or not I know much more now than I ever have before. I guess its all that idea that people go and climb mountains, and "test" themselves to see what they are really made of, or to clear out the garbage and get to the bare bones of what this life is all about, instead of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, I moved to the mid-west, if you have ever lived here there are some similarities. Well I'm by far not done with this process, (I'm probably a far cry from it sadly), but I'm doing it.