Last day in the office this week! Yippeeee! I have some people coming by to work on the house tomorrow, doing the gutters... The guy who is doing it was asking how long it had been since they were done, and I honestly don't know... his response was, "Well lets see how many baby tree's you have growing in them", I never thought of that. Talk about gutter damage.

In the midst of all of this, I'm starting the process of changing my life. In recent past I have taken on the task of doing lots of yard work, the first reason has more to do with having a decent yard, the second was to give me something to do that would take my mind off of everything. Well it has been a great way to take my mind off of everything. I have more work to do on the backyard, but once that is done it will be a nice retreat... It's a fine line of putting together a decent yard that the dog's can't destroy in a matter of minutes, and having a place that is comfortable, and relaxing. Tomorrow, Home Depot, Gutters Cleaned, and lots of manual labor for me... I'm hopefully going to get the new drainage stuff and get it installed, and the mulch in the new planters (including the front yard), and a cool new addition... I still have more thoughts on what I can do but they will have to wait... after I get the next step done I'm figuring out how much sod I will need to make the dirt farm into a green grass lawn.

Well I think I have figured out that I haven't been sleeping well lately, I mean I have been sleeping, just really tossing and turning, and really f'n hard. It's bad enough that I don't feel like I have actually slept when I wake up, it's really annoying, but it's more than likely the reason why I have been feeling like crap when I wake up. And with the feeling like crap my attitude and general outlook on everything is for sh*t. I can't explain it, physically I'm worn out, emotionally I'm beat up, mentally I'm so far out of bounds it's sick... If I didn't know any better I'd probably be insane! The funny thing is that I can feel major life changes coming, I used to do this every few years, change something completely, shake things up so much that my life is turned one way or another. This radical change is coming... andit promises to be a good one, atleast for me it does... I can't promise anyone else the same.

Time to make myself happy again damnit! It's like I've forgotten what the hell I was doing, and got way off track, and the health problems I was (am) having didn't exactly make it easy to keep everything else going... So here I am, with much more to do, and many decisions to make, and with a heave ho and probably a beer or two I'll be headnig towards a new direction soon...

Blech.... morning... for some reason this week I have felt like crap waking up, I probably should call in sick, but I'm too stubborn to do that. Thats what I get for having this dumb work ethic....

In other news, I've been following the wildfires in SoCal, pretty exciting if you ask me. Koganuts and Jason have some photo's from where they live, I remember seeing some of the fires in my day's of living out there. It does tend to make for some pretty wild sun-rises, and casts a haze over the valley that makes everything orange. I hope that everyone out there is safe.

"Oh, why should I stay and pretend?
you make me laugh again
My darling, truth is-we are not even friends!
oh, love comes and it goes.
where yer heart stops-no one knows...
how did I wind-up in the is mess, here-with you!

Just a moment of weakness
I should examine my head!
Just a moment of weakness
I never meant a word I said!"

"Moment of Weakness" - Bif Naked

"Turn away from the pain you don't want
Turnin' down to avoid them when they call
Strange words I heard a long, long time ago
I wish I could go back to a summertime
I knew more than twenty years ago
Lay between the sheets
Lie underneath the maple tree
Now I can't smile
Lyin' down in the grass with the wind around us as we smile and talk
Listen to your grandma sing those country songs
She'd tell us how the maple turns to fire every four years
We'd lay in the grass all summer just to watch the autumn come around
I can't smile
Now I live alone
And you're so far away
Yeah, I call you every year
Just around the holidays
I still see you in the night
Lyin' above me in the grass
I can't smile
Turn away from the pain you don't want
Turnin' down to avoid them when they call
I can't believe this letter that says you died
I think I'm gonna go back the the house in North Carolina
And lay in the back yard
Get drunk and let the leaves just bury me, bury me
I can't smile
I don't know what's happened to me
I can't smile"

"FIre Maple Song" - EverClear

"If I were you and you were me
And we were back in '93
We had it all and all was well
And this was where about I fell
But that was then, we could pretend
Our differences would be the end
I take it back, full-blown attack
Now it all just fades to black

I just wanna feel alive
Time goes flying by
Doodoo doodoo doodoo
Doodoo doodoo doodoo

If this is how it's gonna be
Then I might as well be free
If this is how you're gonna act
Then I just won't take you back
I knew you well, I knew you then
But now I can't seem to pretend
Where have we gone, It's been so long?

I just wanna feel alive
Time goes flying by
Doodoo doodoo doodoo
Doodoo doodoo doodoo

Doodoo doodoo doodoo
Doodoo doodoo doodoo

If I were you and you were me
And we were back in '93
We had it all and all was well
And this was where about I fell
I would've died, you never lied
Way before we even tried
And if I knew what we'd go through
Would I still be into you?
Still be into you?

I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be happy here sometime

Doodoo doodoo doodoo
Doodoo doodoo doodoo
Doodoo doodoo doodoo
Doodoo doodoo doodoo"

Goldfinger - "Happy"

What a week... Work has been insane literally, too much going on to take a breather during the day lately. So much work I actually have to work some on Sunday... But I can do it from home so it's not all that bad. All I know is that I'm sitting here with my brain stopped... I'm kind of surprised I'm not drooling on myself, or forgetting to breath... I'm just beatup tired, I really don't know why, I guess I'm sleeping pretty restlessly.

And as an amendment to my last post about the state government passing the law allowing them to step in and over turn the legal decisions being made on the lady that is in a coma... I still stand by my position on this, I know my family would want to do what this ladies family is doing, and I don't blame them for that. But the family should also understand that there are conversations that go on between a husband and wife that don't go on with family. So I stand by the decision that if my wife wanted to take out my feeding tube, more power to her! She probably knows my intimate thoughts better than my family. And for the state government stepping in to change that? This is way out of control.

Begin Rant...

If the Sci Fi Channel has the cash to sue NASA, why couldn't they pay for FarScape? Oh I forget, they want the proof of UFO's more than they want ratings....

What in the hell is this? Can the Bush's do anything else to take away the right to choose in this country? Now a husband has to deal with his wife being a vegetable because of what the government wants? I hope this gets taken up the ladder and shot down, I know that if I were in a coma, and my wife decided to have my feeding tube pulled that the state freaking government wouldn't step in, and if they did someone from higher up the feeding chain would step on them like the bug's they are.

I have to admit... Kill Bill wasn't all that! It was just as or more so a bloodfest, and lacked in dialouge and character development... basically I didn't give a damn about anyone in the film, so when they were in situations that might or might not of been bad for the character... I didn't care at all. Then there is the plot, there is only so much you can do with that plot right? I can't say I'm going to go right on out and see part 2 that's for sure.

Anyways, incase you haven't seen it, well I wouldn't recommend it, but if you don't buy what I say, well I can't blame you, but let me leave you with this, "lets just say that once again I spend on the tickets to have 2 hours taken from me that will never be returned"... Atleast I know I'm worth more than 7.50 an hour, heh... well I think I am, and so does my employer.

In other news... I'm bored at work today... I think the trying to stay awake has more to do with the boredum, than anything else.

Appreciation... How hard is it to say thank you? Too damned many people around me seem to be taking me for a ride, taking advantage of my genuine nature to help out others, and too many times it's financially. Too many times in my life have I gotten advantage of, and I am not dumb enough to say that I haven't taken advantage of others. This to me is all to often the downfall of a decent relationship, assuming that the other person is going to just do whatever is a major sore spot for me, everyone needs that little "thank you", even more so when it is very apparent that you are doing stuff that needs to be done, and hasn't been done before, or atleast been years since it was, or when they ask you, I mean if you ask isn't that you asking for help?... I'm pretty picky about my friends as well, I'm not one to let anyone in to my inner circle that easily, they have to earn my trust, and show me they deserve it. I just learned much to long ago that there tends to be a ton of people out there that will take advantage the second you let them, that's not to say that I haven't made mistakes in this area, because I have... You know the funniest part of it all is that all I ask is alittle in return. I just ask for a "Thank's Man", and alittle help when doing whatever is it that I am doing for the person I'm doing it for... How much of a problem is that? Give me a freaking break! How can a person I've just helped out a great deal just act pissy even after I did what was asked of me? And shell'd out a decent amount of coin on it for them? Good thing I want to do what was asked of me just to keep myself busy. I have always found that when I have lots of stuff going on in my life, I need to get some projects that will occupy my mind, logically it seem's silly to pile more work on top of what I already have, but it helps me out and makes me feel better. Well I guess that's enough rambling about me...

"Particle man, particle man
Doing the things a particle can
What's he like? It's not important
Particle man

Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When he's underwater does he get wet?
Or does the water get him instead?
Nobody knows, Particle man

Triangle man, Triangle man
Triangle man hates particle man
They have a fight, Triangle wins
Triangle man

Universe man, Universe man
Size of the entire universe man
Usually kind to smaller man
Universe man

He's got a watch with a minute hand,
Millenium hand and an eon hand
When they meet it's a happy land
Powerful man, universe man

Person man, person man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person man

Is he depressed or is he a mess?
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with person man?
Degraded man, person man

Triangle man, triangle man
Triangle man hates person man
They have a fight, triangle wins
Triangle man "

"Particle Man" - TMBG

I hate having weird dreams, and waking up after sleeping weird on my arm, which hurt all damned day long... There is something unfair about trying to sleep and waking up feeling like you've been ran over. It would be one thing if I did something to deserve it, but I have been a good boy lately, probably too good honestly, I think I might need a reason to feel like hell when I wake up in the morning.

On a side note, I want to go see Kill Bill before too long, from everything I've heard about it I really need to go see it. I remember when I was in college I worked for a public access video show in Denver called Teletunes, we got all kinds of free stuff from different entertainment industry places, so we got tickets to see this movie called Pulp Fiction at an art house out there... needless to say the free tickets were great, and they more than got thier money back since my buddy and I went and saw it 2 more times. Yes I probably wouldn't go and see a movie more than once now, but Pulp Fiction was one of the greatest movies in my college years.... Well I guess I should shut up now...

Lets hear it for working at a place that takes all Federal Holiday's off!!! The sad part is that I have to go in today anyway.... Too much work and too close to deadlines. But thats the breaks I guess, on the flip side I don' t have to go in at ass o'clock in the morning.

KC Man shot by police : This was right next door to the office yesterday, when I came back to work from lunch there were cop's everywhere. As it turns out this guy may have been blind and didn't speak english... Reminds me of the new story years ago where this kid was running around his house with a knife, Mom calls 911 the cops show up and shoot the kid 30 some odd times, needless to say the kid dropped the knife finally. The mother said that she called the police because she was afraid her son was going to hurt himself... Well I guess the cop's made sure he did.

Just something to think about while you go about your day.

I have to admit I'm alittle upset that I didn't score higher, but I didn't do too bad all in all...


Eighties Quiz

Someone tell me why it's freaking 7:30pm, I'm tierd and want to go to bed? blech..... Well I guess there are worse things to have happen in the world huh?

Well to add to yesterday, Arnold won, the Adult Film Star too 9500 votes, and my paticular favorite took a few votes as well. Here is the entire list and the results, atleast according to CNN.

I'll be interested to see what the back lash is on this, I wonder if they can gather enough votes if they can do another recall in the next few months... Screw every 4 years, lets have one every 4 months, or 4 minutes... why not?

Okay, since today is election day in my old home I thought I'd digress down the road of politics, atleast the way I see them. First off the recall is disturbing in a pleasing way to me. I can't say that it's a good thing to be able to just oust a politician on a whim... But on the other side of the coin, I think it is sorely needed, even more so in the case of California, I was dumb-founded by the fact that Davis won his re-election after all the crap he pulled his first term... Since I lived there for his first term, and a good deal of his second, I think I can speak... but what do I know?

Secondly, lets put this into perspective... I just read on CNN (I know but they are all slanted one way or another) that 69 percent of the people that were exit polled said they had decided weeks ago, and that the recent sexual allegations against Arnold didn't have anything to do with it. I think the American people have decided that it's all B.S. in the long run, I mean basically what we have seen for years is one party going after the other not pulling punches, being cry-babies all the damned time, bitching, hitting below the belt, and fighting like a couple of elementary school bullies. Please, someone put down the straws and the spit-wads... I mean if people complain about what thier children watch on TV and turn off JackAss, South Park, or as of late PlayMakers, turn off the damned news as well, don't let your kids grow up to be politicians, they all talk trash, and do thier best to be more full of shit than the next guy... No wonder most kid's when asked what they want to be when they grow up don't say the President... I am of the opinion the people that are smart enough, and talented enough to be the President, are also smart enough to not run.

I feel like hell this morning, I did yesterday morning as well... I think these dramatic changes in weather aren't helping any. One week it's cold cold cold, the next it's in the 80's? I guess it all goes back to the saying I heard when I was growing up in Southern Missouri, "Don't like the weather? Wait a minute..."

I'm sooooo not used to any of this weather stuff, one of the hazards of being in Southern California for as long as I was, I mean I used to laugh at the people out there, the weather would get into the 50's and out came the heavy winter coats, now that was comical, out here you never know what is really going to happen, I wouldn't be suprised to see ice on the ground in the next week, or see it hit the 90's, it's all a gamble out here in the mid-west.

Yet another weekend that wasn't. Well atleast the way I'm used to spending my weekends, relaxing that is. Ashley's parent's came up from Springfield with some family friends, so we all packed up and went the Ren Fest on Saturday. As usual it was fun, but it was really stange being there at this age, it used to be long ago that I wanted soooo much stuff from there, and now that I'm older I'm glad I didn't spend the money I didn't have back then on some of that stuff. I'm pretty sure I don't need a hand made sword, or the form fitted leather boots that you can basically only wear to the Fest or around the house without feeling like too much of a dork. It was fun though, the Ren Fest is always a good time for all.

In other news, I think I need to take a day off and just relax, since my weekends as of yet have been busy I need sometime to de-compress and get my head back on straight. I can't believe it's Monday, seem's like it was just Friday... Oh well, such is life at the moment.

Morpheus



?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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Okay, so at work we have this system that we use to inform, and assign problems to the groups that are responsible for them. These "trouble tickets" come in with Severity levels on them, 1 being the worst, you know, the house is on fire and we all had better run, to 4 which is basically when you get around to it. Well I was happily on my way to Friday work, (in the banking world Friday's are easy easy) and I get a call... SEVERITY 1 Ticket! Run Run Run!!! Just as I pull into the parking garage it starts raining, I have to run across the street to get to the office, and it's one of those rains that will soak you to the bone... Soaked and having to frantically figure out what's wrong with management hanging on my shoulder all morning... this is how my day has begun... lets just hope this isn't a precursor to the way the rest of the day is going to go.

I know that most of my readers don't care, but I have to say something...

Rush 'o' how we barely knew ye... Rush is an ass, I am a firm believer that this guy wants to get a rise out of people, he represents so many things that I don't agree with, but I do have to give this guy some credit, I am one of the only people I know that actually watches football, (I know my geek card is getting suspended anyway so what the heck) and he actually knows football, and had something to add to the ESPN Sunday Countdown Pre Game Show. Well last week he made some comments about the Philly Eagles QB Donovan McNabb, well he pulled out the "race" card on it. This was not correct in any way shape or form, but it has been blown way the water by the reaction. I was talking to a friend of mine, who happen's to be black about this very topic today, he basically said that Rush had a point, McNabb is over-rated, but he could have not used the race card and gotten the same point across, which I agree with completley. But here is my point, I agree that McNabb is over-rated, but I also believe that there are many white over-rated QB's in the NFL today as well... now if a black commentator on ESPN said that exact thing, would there be a reaction like this? I seriously doubt it... a double edged sword huh? Now ofcourse I can say these things because I'm plaid....

"I am Jack's Useless Post"

Holy "Where does the time go" Batman!!!! Too busy for words... too lazy to post to my own blog... too... ummm.... sexy for my shirt??? I didn't just say that... go about your daily reading, there is nothing to see here.